It is so necessary to trust God… that’s it. Not when, not if….ALWAYS.. and until. These past days have been such a testament to this truth. I was so worried, but I trusted Him to change my mind. I was confused, but I trusted Him to bring clarity. I clung to Jesus and stayed in His word, and in the end He used my own misdirected focus for His good.
You see, The Holy Spirit laid on my heart to quit smoking last Tuesday. I didn’t question Him, I prayed about it through the week and put them down Friday morning. After a year of praying fervently to please take it, then trying over and over to just do it, I finally about a month ago finally gave it to my Father and quit trying to quit. I am His child, and He doesn’t intend for us to do anything on our own. Yet in my humanness I kept trying to do it anyway. Logically, I knew better, but still. The conviction was so great!
Here’s where He took me by surprise… Normally before I even begin to quit, I am already fretting over it. I am white knuckling it all the way. The longest for 6 months. I never stopped wanting them. I loved smoking quite honestly.
Well, this time, I felt at peace about it. But, suddenly I became consumed with my past illness more than ever since I got better. I am glad I blogged about the experience of my fear, cause I can see Him working in me during those days. And I kept seeking His word about healing and faith.
The Spirit finally enlightened me yesterday, what had happened… All the while I was focused on a past ghost, He was healing me of my addiction. When He says He works all things together for good, it covers so many things. This is one of them. I was so worried I was going to get sick again, that the discomfort of nicotine withdrawal held no bearing on me. For the first time, since I was 12, I have let go of smoking. I am a non smoker, not an ex-smoker. I say that because they aren’t part of my life now … period. 5 days… 5 days and no irritation, no needing to comfort eat, no missing my constant filthy habit. It’s just gone. The thought of holding one even in my hand is unappealing.
More than that, my fear is gone. He didn’t cause my fear, but I think of the times I prayed over and over to change my mind about cigarettes, make me sick when I smoke, whatever it takes Lord just take it from me… Well guess what, in a way I didn’t see coming He used my natural silly fear for a great mind changer. When I suddenly realized days had went by and I hadn’t even hardly noticed I quit smoking I was astonished. Well more humbled that He once again, fixed what I couldn’t.
Father, I humbly bow my head in gratitude. Words can not express how much you have given me a new life. Every time I think this is the best it can get, you show me how I haven’t even scratched the surface of your goodness. You have showed me more than a few times now, that You are never late, You are always on time, no matter how I see it through a glass darkly. I am thankful that you teach me on this road to eternity, that you are full of wondrous surprises. That it can so often feel darkest before the dawn. And for every time doubt enters in, thank you so much Lord for reminding me to continue leaning on you anyway.
You are my King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Thank you for all that you have done, all that you are doing, and all that you will continue to do.
In Jesus’ Holy name… Amen.